Andy

Rasta dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates and is met by St. Peter himself. But the gates are closed as Ras approaches the gatekeeper..St. Peter said, 'Well, You seem to be in the wrong place as I don't seem to have you on my list, but as there is such a crowd behind you and it would cause such a disruption, I will give you an entrance examination - if you pass it, I will let you in. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'

Fair enough sais the dread - I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was .'

St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, but the test is only three questions. Here they are:
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
That one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.
Second: How many seconds are there in a year? asked St. Peter.
How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied ras, 'but I think about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Well it got to be twelve he replied: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd....
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
Third: What is God's first name?'
well'Sure,' he replied with a big grin . . 'it's Andy..'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Whenever I went to church I would hear them sing "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, man, run!!!'

Wherefore we pray Lord, Give me a sense of humor, Give me the ability to understand a clean joke, To get some humor out of life, And to pass it on to other folks !

Beware of Terrorist Groups in Church

I received this as a forwarded email message from a dear friend, but liked it so much, I wanted to share it with all of you. ...

Have a blessed weekend, and make sure you're in the right "group" in your church. :)

Latest news reports are that five terrorist cell groups have been operating in many of our churches. They have been identified as: Bin Sleepin, Bin Arguin, Bin Fightin, Bin Complainin, and Bin Missin.

Their leader, Lucifer Bin Workin, trained these groups to destroy the Body of Christ. The plan is to come into the church disguised as Christians and to work within the church to discourage, disrupt, and destroy.

However, there have been reports of a sixth group. A tiny cell known by the name Bin Prayin is actually the only effective counter terrorism force in the church. Unlike other terrorist cells, the Bin Prayin team does not blend in with whoever and whatever comes along.

Bin Prayin does whatever is needed to uplift and encourage the Body of Christ. We have noticed that the Bin Prayin cell group has different characteristics than the others. They have Bin Watchin, Bin Waitin, Bin Fastin, and Bin Longin for their Master, Jesus Christ to return.

NO CHURCH IS EXEMPT!

(However, you can spot them if you bin lookin and bin goin.)